President Trump Launches Offensive Fake News Contest
Campbell Alternative News
US President Donald Trump has offered a Fake News award for the most disreputable news agency operating. Many people are offended by the fact that President Trump has excluded Fox News from his list. Personally, I don’t care. They are strictly amateurs when it comes to fake news. However, I am offended that he has seemingly ignored what I think should be the front runner in this contest, Campbell Alternative News.
After all, it was Campbell Alternative News that broke the story that the US Republicans Finally Admit that the Trump Presidency was an Elaborate Hoax. We quickly followed it with the Easter Bunny Stopped at US Border. And who can forget The Czar of Amerika, Or We’ve Got Big Bombs?
President Trump is suggesting CNN as his preferred choice to win this award. I consider that blatant favouritism on the part of the US President. Just check their record. The majority of the time they actually report the news, just as it happens. Yes it is sometimes biased and favours one side over the other. But fake? Not even close. They have never made up an entire story in their lives. To even consider them as potential leaders in this contest is unfair to those of us who have worked hard to provide the fakest news possible.
The reporters at Campbell Alternative News spend hours at home, eating junk food and watching cartoons, stretching our imaginations to provide you with the fakest news we can possibly make up. For President Trump to suggest that a news agency like CNN is an insult of astronomical (Note to President Trump: That means huge) proportions. Did they ever write stories like, The White House Shuffle, Risk The Real Game and much more or Canada’s Secret Weapon? I don’t think so. Those reporters at CNN don’t have the imagination to come up with stories like that. The best they can do is write what they see. What kind of creativity is that?
In fact, Campbell Alternative News was already working on our next story, The Trump Impeachment, which we were planning to give you as a Christmas present, but our writers are too upset to finish it now. It may take an entire bag of Cheetos to get over this oversight.
So, in closing, I just want to say one thing to President Trump on behalf of Campbell Alternative News. Donald, you are without a doubt, the fakest President we have ever had the misfortune of inventing (Note to President Trump: that means bad luck of making up) a story about. If you aren’t going to be man enough to give us the respect a fake news agency like ours deserves, we are going to find another world leader to make up stories about. What has Theresa May been doing lately? I hear she’s been having a fling with Prince Harry behind Meghan Markle’s back. Who knows? She may even become Vladimir Putin’s new best friend. Think about it Mr. President.
Brian Campbell is a reporter for Campbell Alternative News