Easter Bunny Shot in Crossfire
Campbell Alternative News
Last Easter we broke the story of the Easter Bunny being stopped and held at the U.S. border. One year later, the Easter Bunny is back in the news, but this time the situation is much more dire.
The Easter Bunny is in serious condition in a Mississippi hospital after being shot in an apparent home invasion.
The incident happened early Easter morning, Sunday, April 1, in the small town of Crossfire, Mississippi. According to home owner, Nester Randolph Armin, he observed what looked like a small person hopping over his fence and entering his backyard.
Says Mr. N. R. Armin, “I saw this guy come over my fence and go across my yard kinda sneaky like, and I thought to myself, this guy looks like he’s up to no good. So I got out my rifle and fired a few shots his way. You know. Just to get his attention.”
According to Mr. Armin’s neighbours, who asked not to be named, they were awoken by what sounded like a volley of rapid fire shots coming from N. R. Armin’s home, as well as screaming and the sounds of objects shattering.
A report from the Crossfire Police Department states that Mr. Armin sprayed his backyard with approximately 30 rounds from an AR-15 rifle.
Campbell Alternative News spoke with the Easter Bunny in the hospital, where he is recovering from a bullet wound to the upper thigh region, as well as a number of minor cuts and scrapes. Mr. Bunny says, “I was just out doing my job. You know, hiding candy eggs for the children, just like I do every year. I was taking a short cut across a yard when suddenly a planter just explodes in front of me. Then something tears my basket right out of my hand. The next thing I know the place is like a battlefield, bullets flying everywhere, and I am running for my life. That’s when the b#####d shot me in the a##.”
- R. Armin says, “He had no right to be in my yard. I have the God given right to protect my home and property. He’ll know better next time.”
Yes, he will. And Santa may want to take heed as well, not to mention the neighbourhood kids at Halloween.
Other casualties include two planters, a birdbath, a decorative mailbox, a garden gnome and a basket of candy eggs.
As for Easter, Mr. Bunny’s children took up the slack in delivering all the candy eggs. Mr. Bunny claims that he is considering revising his route next year to skip over some U.S. States, based on how they rate on the Guns & Ammo survey for gun friendliness.
Brian Campbell is a reporter for Campbell Alternative News.