Easter Bunny Stopped at U.S. Border
Campbell Alternative News
This week there was another incident of someone with celebrity status being detained at the U.S. border and refused entry into the country. The Easter Bunny was on his annual visit when U.S. Border Patrol stopped him with concerns about his identity. Apparently, they had questions about his last name “Bunny”.
“They asked me what my religion was,” Mr. Bunny reported. “I said, ‘I’m the Easter Bunny.’ Duh.”
Border Security was also concerned about his affiliations with known subversives, Bugs Bunny and Brer Rabbit, Mr. Bunny admits to knowing them but claims that they have never travelled in the same circles. The FBI is currently investigating his claims.
His description of his home as, ‘a hole in the ground’, also disturbed Border Security.
Mr. Bunny claimed to have found questions about his family quite amusing. “They asked me if I had any children,” he said with a laugh. “Seriously. I mean, I’m a rabbit. I have a reputation to uphold. Not to mention keeping up the family business. With all of the children in the world, it is much more than a one rabbit job now.”
Mr. Bunny provided Campbell Alternative News with a family picture as a form of explanation.
The U.S. Border Patrol also confiscated several baskets of contraband, which was then delivered to the White House, where it is apparently being inspected by President Trump’s key officials.
In a news briefing, White House Press Secretary, Sean Spicer said, “We are going through the baskets thoroughly to make sure that there is nothing illegal or dangerous being brought into our country.”
Secretary Spicer refused to comment on what appeared to be chocolate stains around both he and Presidential Counselor Kellyanne Conway’s mouths.
As of this report, the Easter Bunny is still being detained and he is not sure what this means for Easter. Mr. Bunny said, “There are children depending on me. I have years of tradition to uphold. No Easter Bunny has ever failed to make his rounds.”
Neither Press Secretary Spicer nor Presidential Counselor Conway were willing to comment upon how long the Easter Bunny would be detained. Secretary Spicer said, “Mmmm…it could be quite some time yet.”
Brian Campbell is a reporter for Campbell Alternative News – Alternative Facts Division