President Trump Fires Smokey The Bear
Brian Campbell
Campbell Alternative News

Full Article with pictures:

President Donald Trump has taken charge of the devastating forest fire problem currently plaguing California and with his usual deft style has delved straight to the root of the problem. What the President discovered was that the ultimate cause was not climate change causing hotter, dryer than usual weather. Nor was it the result of the more than $170 million cut to the forestry budget earlier this year. No, it turns out that the cause of the forest fires are messy forests, and the ultimate responsibility and blame lies with Smokey the Bear.

President Trump visited Pleasure, California over the November 17th weekend to survey the damage for himself. Many of you may recognize Pleasure by its former name, Paradise, California. President Trump had the name changed because the hot, smoky conditions reminded him of a woman he met in a club once. Apparently the atmosphere brought back fond memories and he asked to have a few minutes in private in the nearest restroom.

The President acted immediately to correct the problem by firing Smokey, saying that the forest floor should not be littered with dry leaves, twigs and grass, and it was Smokey’s duty to keep the forests clean. President Trump said that he had spoken with President Sauli Niinistö of Finland, who apparently told him that in his country all the animals do their part in keeping the forest clean by taking shifts, raking, sweeping and dusting the forest, in order to keep it clean and tidy. Due to their dedication and hard work, Finland never suffers from forest fire problems. Although President Niinistö claims not to recall this conversation, President Trump is certain that his memory is quite clear, and that this is the best solution to the fires in California.

Mr. Bear was not available for comment. He has reportedly checked into the San Diego zoo where he has retreated to the back of the bear cave.

The President is ordering a gathering of all the animals so he can present each one with a rake, broom and dustpan and organize them into groups to begin cleaning the forest. This massive forest clean-up project is to be named “Make America Rake Again”, and is to commence as soon as the animals can be organized.

To replace Smokey the Bear, President Trump has hired Wile E. Coyote. Although Mr. Coyote has called the Mojave Desert home for the majority of his life, he assured the President that he is ready and willing to head the forest clean-up project.  Mr. Coyote claims to have just the right tool for the job, an ACME industrial high powered vacuum. The vacuum is so powerful that it not only picks up leaves and branches, but small animals as well. However, neither Mr. Coyote nor President Trump see this as a negative.

In the President’s words, “All those little, uh, whatever they are, just run around and make a mess anyway. The forest will be much better without them.”


Brian Campbell is a reporter for Campbell Alternative News